honestly i keep saying im done, but am i really? why do i keep moving on from my ex but he would say something sweet when he hits me up and all the memories come rushing back. from the first kiss to all the time we spent together. my thoughts on how i wish he was right here beside me.
then theres the new guy i met. he makes me feel so happy when im with him. ya he may say stupid shit that pisses me off which reminds me of the unhappy fights with my ex. every moment i spend with him makes me feel at ease. we would do the things we love together. late night drives, playing street fighter on ps3 together, watch movies, cuddle and those things. ;) he knows im looking for something serious yet he cant give that to me. he tells me how hes not emotionally ready for one since he just got out of a long term relationship yet he really likes me. i love the way he would tell me how beautiful i am and i shouldnt be so insecure about myself. he makes me feel beautiful for once in my life. it feels great. i really wanna give him a chance but he doesnt want to step in a relationship where his heart isnt in it. and when i ask him what are we, he tells me to go with the flow. i mean he denies the friends with benefits and we arent in a relationship together, then really what are we? clearly feelings are involved, we do things but yet we are something unknown. he tells me how he loves how he can be himself around me and how im fun to be around. i can agree with him but sometimes he just says stupid things which pisses me off a lot but he makes me feel good about myself. i feel comfortable when im with him but i know i can’t have him so i want to give up but i dont know if i should. i dont want to be one of those girls hes slept with. he claims that im not, but i feel like that and he tells me how im not and wants me to trust him. only time will know…but hes leaving for cuba tomorrow and you know what they say…should i just let go, the way i know i wont ever find a relationship worth fighting for? its been 3 years…im tired.
have you ever had one of those days where you just wish you were someone else’s? someone who doesn’t judge you for who you are? you can be as childish as you want and he wouldn’t judge you one bit and he would play along with you just like kids. someone to do cute shit with. long walks on the beach, go on romantic dates and just fall recklessly in love. cuddle during the cold winter days, go on study dates, cook together, wake up early in the mornings in his arms or even a simple text message in the morning to make my days…i can go on forever. if only theres this guy for me…can you please just come and be my boyfriend?