coming home involves getting made fun of by my family. mostly about my big butt. im sorry i got the genes of having a big butt okay? im that weird asian that has different genes. i know i have wide shoulders from swimming, i know i have big arms and legs with muscles from all those sports i play. i like sports, i like bench pressing but that doesnt make me  manly and fat. im sorry im not like those girls who are skinny and have the small asian features. you guys just make me lose my confidence in myself. your my family, your suppose to support me, not step on me. even when i am girly, you make fun of me. i am never going to be right in your eyes. makeup = ghostly. dresses = slut thats ugly. thanks, just thanks. sometimes i wish i never came home.

i hate my body. i hate it so damn much. no matter how much I work out, it only gets more muscular, not thinner or taller. i want long thin legs. thighs that dont touch. ugh..i have big calves, muscular legs, upper thighs that touch! i want a smaller butt, smaller boobs. UGH. i mean im asian, asians don’t really have these..asians usually have small features. ugh i bet i got it from my portuguese genes. why couldnt i just look more mix or something. :( i wish i could be 5’6 so I can wear things without hemming things. i wish i could grow my hair under my boobs but Im hella impatient. I dont like my wide shoulders, my guns on my arms. stupid swimming training… -.- i hate how i have the ab lines but no abs pop out. i want a flatter thinner stomach…what I do like? my back muscles. proud of it.